Between everything normal

Sometimes you just sit there, wondering about life and everything, trying to remember something that already is forgotten. A scent. A memory. How someone's arms were wrapped around your body. The heart warming feeling when someone is really nice to you. Or when you see other people smile, being happy.
   You just sit there and try to remember everything good about life, without even realizing it. You are trying to make yourself happy, usually. But, then, after a while you start to realize that you can't remember and everything just feels empty and weird. You just want to cry and sleep, but at the same time you want to scream.
   It's a weird feeling. But, I was thinking... don't we all feel that sometimes? But we can get better. And that's a little promise. You can remember the times before. All the times you were in this situation and still here you are again, alive, breathing and... alive. You are alive. That is something amazing. Something important. It can feel like you are suffocating, but you are alive! What an amazing thing to realize. Even though you would prefer to be dead you are still breathing and doing something. Life won't give up so fast. And, oh, bloody hell, that is wonderful!
   You are not alone. People always feel like this. It starts like a little sadness and then it takes over your mind and plays you tricks. But, trust me when I say that you are perfect. You are good enough. Good enough for anyone. You don't have to cry yourself to sleep because of anything. You are perfect, and we all feel like this once in a while. But, yes, do cry if it helps.
   I just want you you know that whatever happens you are not alone. You are good enough. Even if you have scars all over your body.
   Make your day a little bit better small things; listening to music you don't understand a word of, reading your favourite book, a cup of tea of coffee, reminding yourself that you are a genius! That you are unique. Remind yourself that whatever happens in your life you are, and will always be, the most important person in your whole life. Nobody's love is going to be as strong as the love for yourself. Go to a mirror and look into your own eyes. Think about something that makes you happy. Watch while your pupils get bigger. Then close your eyes. Smile. And then open them again. Then let the smile fade away. And then do whatever makes you happy. Play video games, call a friend, read a book, scroll through tumblr... contact me if you want to. Just do something that makes you happy!

Blessed be!

-- Selma.

The Miracle

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." 

         — Albert Einstein

During two days I have written more than 20 pages! It feels amazing to be back on track. I'm almost on the 200th page! I can't believe it. It feels amazing. I haven't actually told you about this book... I don't think so, at least. I started writing something about it, but then I sort of never ended the post.
   So, this book is something normal, sort of. A love story. The people is more... complex than any other characters I've ever written. Friends that die, people who commit suicide, people with some sort of problem (dyslexia and anxiety and other), and family. This is things I never usually write about. Especially the family part. Usually I almost always kill the parents because I never know what to do with them, but, in this story almost every parent is alive. It has been a fantastic journey to write this book. Get to know the characters and create places they go to. And animals! I actually have animals in this book that can't telepathically speak with their owner. I feel like this book is something special. But, of course that doesn't mean that I actually can get it published. I do hope so, at least.  It would be amazing and I feel so proud over this story even though people will describe it as unrealistic and question it. I just don't really care about that. It feels like an amazing love story between two persons. This is the best thing I've ever written, so, yes, I do believe in it. And, in an authors mind everything is possible. Some people will say love like this doesn't exist. All I have to say to them is that everything is possible. The only limit is your imagination. Like Albert Einstein said: "If I were wrong, then one would have been enough!" and there's clearly more than one person out there who questions love.

The Miracle is just something I call it. It's not its real name. But near enough. There's just one word missing. Anyway, the main character is called Anastasia (no, do not think about Anastasia from Fifty Shades of grey, I created this chracter before Bella was called Anastasia!) and her best friend died of cancer a while ago, so you can imagine her life pretty much sucks. Until she meets this boy. Yeah, sounds pretty much like a cliché, yeah? Well, it isn't. Not really. Yes, both of them have a terrible past, but that's not the reason why they start to like each other. The reason why they start to like each other is the fact that they both have a different view at the society. That's what Anastasia really likes with Vincent. He's different. Even though he can be the party boy she never would have liked. But, like a lot of people he doesn't really love the party time. It's just to fill the whole after his father's death. And, with a abusing stepfather at home he doens't really know what to do. Until he finally can go to a police he trusts. Then the life is getting better, he has find the love of his life and "saved" his mum from the abusing husband she never loved. Vincent now has a reason to go back to his "normal life" and the path he was walking before his whole life crashed.
   Anastasia was a happy person before her best friend's death. She was pretty much like a normal child, liked to go out with her friends and be happy. After her best friend's death however she didn't really see the point of going out and eat ice cream again. It's not like she actually lost everything with her best friend, she always liked being home and read, but when Katie still was alive she had a reason to go out. She hasn't one anymore. Yeah, until Vincent comes. (What a surprise, huh?) He drags her out of her shell and they fall in love, because what would a love story be without the love? He shows her that it indeed is possible to be happy again after you have lost somebody, he if anyone should know. And, yes, they heal each other and shows each other the happiness in life. But, who actually cares if that's a cliché? What would love be if you don't even help each other to heal from the past? What would love be if you aren't happy?

   (spoiler)And everything is well, until something terrible happens. Surprise! No, but, actually this book started like a project for me to try to do something real out of it and then kill on of the main characters. It was supposed to be a novella. It didn't really work out as I wanted it to do. From novella to a book. From a little project to the project of my life (right now). So the story has changed more than I expected it to do. And I haven't written the last page yet, so, maybe nothing terrible happens? Who knows? Maybe I just should let them have their happily ever after??(spoiler)
   Okay, so maybe it sounds like a cliché, but you just can't explain some books, you know? Like, Tfios, how do you explain a book where two kids have cancer and fall in love with each other without making it sound all too weird and boring? Some books can't be explained, and it sort of feels like this story is one of them. An authors biggest challenge here in life is to take something "classical" and make it to your own thing. And, I hope I did a good job. I should probably go back to the writing now so I see how it all ends.

-- Selma.

Going back to the path I started

So, I have been thinking. This blog is a hard work for me together with school, writing, and my nerdy life with anime, books and series. And, everytime I actually do blog about something it's never really what I wanted to do at the start of this blog. I started this blog to dedicate this to my writing. Kind of. I don't really know. I didn't want a blog about me, I wanted a blog about my writing. So, that's what I'm gonna do. Or else this blog is going to die. And I do not want that to happen.

   Don't misunderstand me now, there'll still be something about writing in general, how you make your story feel... alive, and things like that. I just don't want you do expect that sort of stuff everytime. This blog was going to be about my books, me and my thoughts. So, I'm going back to that. That's what I want to do, at least. I don't want to feel forced to write something that may or may not help someone. I just want this to be about my writing. Like every other author, I suppose.
So, yeah, I'm going back to the path I started. Mostly because I can. And because I don't like the feeling of being stressed when I'm doing something I was supposed to be enjoying.

(And maybe I will start posting my other pictures too... I like taking photos too! :) )

-- Selma.